Memories....

I remember who we use to be…
memories keep re- playing with my mind,
hit like back spasms.
Stuck on repeat like the playlist we use to make love to.
And I wonder if you still even remember how my skin feels…
How my hair smelled…
Remember how interlocked fingers made hearts invincible,
but this grip slipped.
I never claimed to be perfect,
and I will be the first one to say that I’m sorry,
but I tried.
And after the first break I guess we just couldn’t figure out how to fit right again.
It’s so hard letting you go…
but I guess now I have to.
It’s too much hurt here.
And I have not yet learned how to forgive
or how NOT to be the victim.
Cloudy mirrors often make it hard to see your own faults,
maybe that’s why I haven’t cleaned mine in a while.
But I’ll remember south-side showers after water parks.
Forever lasting 45 minute drives to pick up my “brother” on weekends,
I still hate the name Gary.
I’ll remember the first night you let me hold you.
Remember the impossible…
holding the Son under the moonlight while the stars played follow the leader with my tears. Remember the fading light of super nova at the end of my tunnel.
I’ll remember the first time you called me Mrs. Harrison.
Drunk voicemail messages.
I’ll remember when you told me that your money is more important,
the pillow fights and fake arguments
and don’t you dare not act like you won’t not not remember them too.
I’ll remember the first I love you,
the famous Ben’s Chill Bowl and Lincoln Theater.
I’ll remember your insecurities
and how beautiful you are to me.
Remember the blue and the brown.
Facebook status,
your absence,
presence,
smell.
I’ll remember silhouettes on bedroom walls,
praying pyramid palms pressed together.
The curve of your lips.
The day you introduced me to your mother,
graduation,
and Basic-ly
all of these things and more will remain intact.
Head held high
I’ll take this one day at a time.
Look forward to the day that someone will come to asks me
“Do you remember the last time you were in love?”
just so I can look down at my incomplete prayers,
smile…
and thank you for being the reason I can say
“Yeah…..I do.”

How He Use To

You look at me kinda like how he use to.
eyes wander carefully as if you molded this sculpture personally.
I’ve caught all of your glances.
And I will ask you please….
Do not call me queen.
I will just sing you heartache
you touch me beautiful…
but history has built wall greater than those of China,
I’m sorry,
this won’t be easy.
I’ve watched you from day one.
Your voice,
echoes through my head.
Resounds off of the inside of my temples like choir songs on Sunday,
I think God
is trying to tell me something,
but my hearing is selective.
I never really knew what the sincerity in words like “I love you” should sound like.
And I don’t quit remember exactly what being whole feels like,
but it’s ok,
I’ve grown so accustom to being broken.
Blurry reflections
Yet you,
you look at me like you see me clearer than I see myself.
I wonder sometimes why…
how you manage to utter these strange words
beautiful is such a foreign language to me.
So can you please stop speaking in tongues?
I’ve admired you from a distance for a while now.
My eyes silently sing you symphonies.
I’ve screamed so many mute messages across this tight rope
that strings your clef note with my microphone
but my words are not acrobats.
And sometimes I think that you are just playing me anyway.
I am not here to be your amusement.
I’ve been through to many games already.
Yet a part of me wants to believe that your intentions are not set in heartache.
You stay on my mind.
Wrapped around my cerebrum
and I still don’t know how you got there.
I can’t get rid of you.
Cigarette smoke caught in hair follicles.
You’re addictive…
I still don’t know what this fix is.
but I do remember the last time that I felt like this
Maybe that’s why I’m running.
You are not him.
You are beyond him,
and I thank you.
You look at me
and the song in my chest skips 6 beats
breath stops short.
I don’t know what this is.
You are stunning…
but you do not belong to me.
Untouchable.
She is very lucky.
I think I hear what He is trying to tell me.
Please remember that you love her.
Call her queen,
she deserves to be.
Be careful…
You have shown me potential
and I will wait for it blossom.
Alpha
You just showed me what the beginning could look like,
and I,
I will wait for the next person that looks at me…
kinda like how you do.