Letter To Dad

Shhh… can you hear it…
Can you hear me….
Daddy, can you even see me,'cause right now, I feel the biggest void there could ever be,
and I know you've always provided the material things I need,
but, Daddy, have you forgotten that I am my father's seed?
My hunger is more than material, Daddy.
Emotionally feed me, 'cause now I'm starving and it seems like death is a luxury.
It seems like everything around me remains frozen in time,
'cause it seems like the closer that I get to you,
the more I realize that your attention isn't really mine
I slowly feel it pulling,
you slipping,
away from me Daddy,
you got your eyes wide shut,
so of course you can't see
You left me,
even after I tried my best to make you proud
and every night I prayed I vowed
that if He would just help you love me,
I would be the best me I could be
every birthday, all I really wanted was your time,
for you to show me that at least for that day,
you were mine,
but all I ever got was just another toy.
I wonder….
would love me more if I was born a boy
Maybe if I was your son I would be closer to you,
but right now,
I don't even know you,
Dad, where are you?
Cause I still carry your last name like a badge of honor that I have to own up to
So I will carefully follow the blueprints for my life that you drew,
hoping you notice me,
eventually…
cause right now it seems like your attention
has been on suspension
since the day I learned how to talk…
or maybe it was the day I learned how to walk that you abandoned me.
Just like every other dead beat father.
FATHERS!
Why walk if you don't want to be followed,
you're the reason so many kids hearts are hollowed,
cause poppa's a rolling stone,
just another dog tryna find a new place to bury his bone,
Why even bother calling yourself a man?
But what's the use of trying to make you understand,
you never were the brightest,
and people don't ask me about the absence in my eyes because they always knew it was you.
Daddy, Daddy,
you bastard,
I'm through...
I'm through crying for you
I'm through tryna fix what's wrong with me,
daddy i'm not perfect and you gotta understand that I can never be,
but if you would just look,
look at me and see i'm perfectly...
impefect
embrace me daddy cause I know that I'm worth it
and I'll tell you a secret
something I bet you never even realized
you listening?
Daddy I have your eyes
And they've rained rivers that I wish I could pour down on you
just so you could finally get a chance to feel me
And I go through this shit daily
All the while waiting for you to save me,
and realize that I'm still waiting to be…
daddy's baby.